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1. I'm Sure It's Complicated

Mood swings and restless feelings,
Exercise to burn my whole being,
Ask questions, be friendly, and try to place my chaotic energy
Be on the upswing of things, it’s easy when you were pushed so low
A punishment you gave me, I’ll live with it forever

How does that make you feel?
I’m sure it’s complicated; to me it doesn’t even feel real
To me it doesn’t even feel

I want to return to my earliest form,
But I get the chance to walk through a different door,
I’m always so damn unsure,
I wear my heart underneath long, long sleeves
Underneath wool sweaters,
I have a layer of cotton as armor

 

2. Connect

I can’t connect

And life is like sifting mold out of orange juice
You’re hoping for something sweet and hoping it doesn’t poison you

I want to be distracted, let’s be completely unattractive
I want to be distracted, would you distract me with your black hair and crooked smile?
Would you distract me for just a little awhile?

 

3. Hurt

I’m afraid I’ll never love again,
My friends say it changes when you’re older,
It’s not exciting like when you were seventeen,
And if everyone has a match, then I’m sad
That we haven’t started a fire

And it hurts that we can’t talk about it
And it hurts that it hurts

And I know there is no drug that could make me disappear
So I drink a lot of coffee, increase my inner fears
And I’ve thinned out to match the way I feel
But it doesn’t matter,
Because this last bit of weight represents that I’m still here

 

4. Shallow Lake

When you are so dirty,
Opening up to strangers is like inviting blows
Well forget about it, well forget about them
Write a couple sonnets for people you don’t even know
Write myself a letter; address it to read it later

On days I’m feeling better; I drown my former self in a shallow lake

I wish I could see the forest as the trees,
At least I have the wish to see things differently
And the words and terms you know that have feeling
I’m dissecting and repealing their meanings
So I can sit here and feel better about my inner being
So I can feel better

That’s the type of thing you can only do when you’re alone
Transcend this time, my whole life, places, periods, things that I called home
Be a better man,
Keep plans crumpled in diary pages,
Place them above public park trash cans,
Learn to like being a ghost

 

5. Crab Waltz #1

I should of kissed you, but the moment didn’t feel right
We drank coffee on the second night, in a tiny diner
We talked and we built comfort, but I was only there for a couple days
It was a relationship that could go nowhere
Romance on a holiday, it’s so damn unfair
But it was the adult move, not the one I choose,
Not to move into you

Hey, just so you know, you’re the type of person I could fall for
Move to the beach and have a screen front door

We met in a bar I’d never been in before,
Awkward moment when you were alone
And you didn’t have a lighter
I gave you my seat
As I searched through my pockets that were filled with keys
As you sat down and lit your cigarette next to me
A sweet excuse for you to sit next me

 

6. Crab Waltz #2

And I enjoyed talking to you for hours about nothing at all
Your black and green eyes pierced my mind
And now I feel pierced all the time
And you were a reprieve from the past six months of my life
Just a small reprieve but now I’m back here

And I’m lucky for the special people who come into my life
Just get sad that they don’t spend that much time

Again at the airport, I’m half the man I was six months ago,
Your sweet southern accent still rings in my ears
Like the way your thin fingers comb through your bleach blonde hair
And you’re so damn beautiful with your feet hanging in the air

 

7. What To Do

Why does waking up requiring falling down?
Awake to rain, lights grey
I have to work, glad I have to work because it’s Saturday

I wouldn’t know what to do with myself

Tired of writing pain, tired of looking like a coffee stain
Too many waves to much motion
Most of the time devoid of any kind of emotion

Read me like an open book,
Wishing someone had me like a salmon’s mouth on a fishing hook
Pull your Chinese pins out of me,
People like places get rusty

 

8. The Crime

Visualize a brand new life,
I’ve been waiting for some time to snap
Something happy, joyful, something to live for

I’ve lost faith in my fellow person
I’ve lost faith in what you call humanity
I’ve lost faith in my friends and family
I’ve lost faith in you and I don’t even know you

The holidays they trap me in a cell
Getting used to the feeling of never being understood
And I relate less now, the crime of wanting a better life
I’m going to start to visualize the life I wanted to lead
Every night before I go to sleep,
I’m going to visualize the life I want to lead

 

9. Constant Movement

I want to die most of the time,
I guess that’s not very attractive
So I called a suicide hot line, but the call got lost

I guess I want to die most of the time
Well constant movement can make things all right
Please don’t look me in the eye

Was it the booze and Ambien that made you go mad?
Was it my anti-depressant pills that kept me sad?
I wish what we had was more perfect

And I spill my guts on top of microphones
Whatever hits the floor I dance on them
But like I was dancing barefoot on stones